I went to a party this week and talked to a bunch of people.
As is typical for me, I tended to hang out with my friends instead of meeting new people, which is the WHOLE POINT of a party.
[No wonder I’m single.]
While I was there, an older woman approached me and gave me a lovely compliment.
She told me I had great skin.
I thanked her and told her my secret: SUNBLOCK and YOUTH.
I grew up in California.
I remember being a teenager and slathering myself with baby oil while laying out in the backyard.
But ever since I worked in a spa in my 20s, I’ve religiously applied sunblock every day.
I don’t avoid the sun though.
I go to Burning Man, after all.
It’s nothing but sun and dust.
When it comes to my youthful appearance, I like to quote Carrie Fisher:
It’s just a matter of time until I look older.
I miss my 19-year old EVERYTHING!
And although I’m quite pleased with what my DNA has made me into, it’s impossible to ignore that I’m not going to age like Christie Brinkley.
It’s been 38 days since my last period.
Normally, I’d be worried about a (GASP!) unexpected pregnancy, however I haven’t done the thing you need to do to get pregnant so. . .
That’s a nice way of saying I haven’t had sex in over 38 days.
I emailed my doctor, worried about perhaps some sort of gynecological problem. Both my grandmothers died from complications related to ovarian cancer.
Are you spotting in between periods, my doctor asked?
Well then the most likely thing that is happening is that menopause is setting in.
It usually begins in the 40s and takes about a decade to run its course.
I’ll just let that sink in.
I’m TOO YOUNG TO BE GOING INTO MENOPAUSE!
You have to understand, I feel the same way I did when I was driving in Frank’s mustang from our high school graduation to my grad party.
I’M TOO YOUNG.
So much of my feminine identity is rolled into my ability to breed. What will I do when I lose it?
I thought for sure I had at least 6 or 7 years before I had to contemplate this.
I’m too young.
Will I start looking like Cybil Shepherd, Kelly McGillis, or Kathleeen Turner?
They reached “a certain age” and started to become more masculine.
Just another thing for me to put on my list of things I need to worry about.
I’m too young. . .